Drunk On Love

(My husband is usually a very quiet, reserved person, but alcohol changes that completely. He becomes very… talkative. He is at a work event where he knows he is going to be drinking, so I plan to pick him up from it. He is a bit tipsy and silly when I pick him up.)

Husband: “That was a fun event.”

Me: “I’m glad! You are a little drunk though. Did you eat already?”

Husband: “PSSHHHH! I’m not DRUNK drunk. Just a LITTLE drunk drunk.”

Me: *laughing* “Whatever. Do you want to pick something up on the way home or do you want to go home?”

Husband: “Oh, oh… I could do… a Starbucks.”

(He only orders one thing from Starbucks, so I knew what he meant. I go there and get out.)

Me: “Okay, [Husband], wait here and I’ll bring it to you.”

Husband: “Mmmmk.”

(I go in and order his drink and something for myself. My husband then walks in and stands too close to me. At this point, you can’t really tell that he’s tipsy unless he opens his mouth.)

Husband: *whispering loudly to me* “Do you think the cashier can tell?”

Me: “Tell what?”

Husband: “You knowww. That I’m druuuunk.”

(The cashier looks at me. She can hear everything he is saying because of course she could. I shake my head.)

Me: “No, she can’t. Go to the car.”

Husband: “But you’re so hot.”

Me: *getting embarrassed* “That’s great, honey. Go to the car.”

Husband: “Like, sooo hot. If I was an artist… I would paint you on… a mural… wall. On a wall. With paint… for murals.”

(The cashier tries to not laugh.)

Me: “Thank you… Time to go to the car.”

Husband: “I’m so luuuucky.”

Me: “Yes, you are. Car. Go to it.”

Husband: *hugging me* “Mmmmm, you smell nice. I’m lucky you smell nice.”

Me: “Let’s pick this up at home, okay?”

(My husband tries to wink, but he’s tipsy, so he just blinks at me weirdly. He then turns around and walks out and goes back to the car.)

Me: *to the cashier* “I am so incredibly sorry.”

Cashier: *laughing* “Don’t worry about it, ma’am. I think that’s kind of sweet.”