(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at my bar. I see a patron who has had too much to drink.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Patron: “Can I just finish my beer?”

Me: “I can’t let you do that.”

Patron’s friend: “Why are you kicking her out? I’m drunker than she is!”

Me: “Then you can leave, too!”