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    Who’s Got The Power Now

    , | Los Angeles, CA, USA |

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Irate Caller: “Yes, I just purchased one of your wireless routers and your stupid tech support in India just told me I have to plug it into an outlet.”

    Me: “Uh… yes, ma’am. It needs to be plugged into an outlet to get electrical power.”

    Irate Caller: “I purchased a WIRELESS router, so it shouldn’t require wires! Doesn’t it use batteries or something?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, ‘wireless’ means you don’t need wires between the computer and the router.”

    Irate Caller: “Wireless means WIRE-LESS! If this thing has to be plugged in with a wire, I want a full refund!”

    Me: “If the product isn’t what you expected, I suggest you return the device to your local retailer.”

    Irate Caller: “NO! That’s not good enough! They won’t take it back because it’s been opened! I want you to give me a refund!”

    Me: “Ma’am, we don’t provide refunds unless a product’s functionality is grossly misadvertised. You need to speak to–”

    Irate Caller: “NO! You’ll give me a refund right now you f***ing son of a b**** and you’ll do it right f***ing now!”

    Me: “Ma’am, throwing a temper tantrum like a five year old is not going to get you something that we’re incapable of giving you.”

    Irate Caller: “You can’t speak to me like that! Transfer me to your manager at once!”

    Me: “No.”

    Irate Caller: “What?”

    (Contrary to popular belief, most companies don’t REQUIRE techs to transfer to supervisors simply because they’re told to by a customer).

    Me: “I said no. I will not transfer you to my supervisor. This is a non-escalatable issue.”

    Irate Caller: “But you have to!”

    Me: “No, I really don’t, and since you already blasted me with profanity, technically I could have disconnected the call already.”

    Irate Caller: “Well, I’m sorry… can I have my refund now?”

    Me: “I told you, I can’t give you a refund for this product. You need to contact your retailer.”

    Irate Caller: “F*** you! You f***ing ****ards are ripping me the f*** off! F*** you!”

    Me: “Thank you for contacting tech support and have a nice day!”

    Irate Caller: “Wait! I’m sorry!”

    Me: *click*