Customer: “Can I get a pumpernickel bagel and a plain bagel in a bag?”

(I get him his bagels. He looks at the bag with a wistful expression.)

Customer: “Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “Yep.”

Customer: “Keeps the peace at home, you know?”

Me: “Um, sure.”

Customer: “Really does. Twenty-three… no, thirty-four years of marriage and it’s come to this. Pumpernickel bagel.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Pumpernickel… bagel.” *leaves*