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    What She Said Makes You Stop Dead

    | UK | Holidays, Rude & Risque

    (I am helping pack an old lady customer’s gift-wrapping paper into the long bags designed for them.)

    Me: “So, that’s six rolls of wrapping paper for £2. The plastic bags are a bit thin, so I may have to put it in two bags of three.”

    Customer: “No, no, no, that won’t do. Just squeeze it into one; it will be fine.”

    (The wrapping paper rolls are small, so four or five will just fit in one plastic bag. The handles, however, fit so tightly over the paper they cannot be held properly.)

    Me: “Okay, I’ve got five in there but they are rather tight; another one in there may tear it.”

    Customer: *creepy voice* “That’s what she said…”

    (The whole shop is overcome by a stunned silence. My two colleagues next to me have stopped working, now with their jaws on the floor.)

    Customer: “Speaking of which; shove it in there!”

    (I managed to get the last roll in there, with it bent out of shape. She leaves with a laugh almost like a witch’s cackle, with the whole shop in silence.)

    Me: *sigh* “Next customer, please…”