Pre-Text For A Breakup

(It is around Valentine’s Day, and my high school is selling ‘Candy Grams’ that would be sent to the recipient’s homeroom on the 14th. The 14th rolls around, and my ex-boyfriend messages me that night through an internet chat program.)

Ex-boyfriend: “Did you send me a candy gram?”

Me: “No. Why would I do that?”

Ex-boyfriend: “I don’t know. The card wasn’t signed, though. So I thought it might have been you.”

Me: “Nope. Plus, you know what my handwriting looks like. It’d be pretty easy to tell if it was me.”

Ex-boyfriend: “It’s because it’s not your handwriting.”

Me: “What?”

Ex-boyfriend: “You could have disguised your handwriting so I wouldn’t think it was you.”

Me: “Why would I do that? I have no interest in you anymore.”

Ex-boyfriend: “Well, still, it wasn’t your handwriting. So, ipso facto, you could have sent it!”