Watered Down Purchase

Coworker: “Here they come.”

Me: “Who?”

Coworker: “The ‘Drink Ladies From Hell.'”

(Five women and their five-year-old daughters enter. The kids are wearing ballet outfits, and clearly have just come from dance lessons.)

Woman: “Five waters, to go, please.”

(We fill up five Styrofoam cups of water, at no charge. The women plant themselves at a table and talk for about an hour. The kids run wild through the restaurant, pulling napkins from other tables, spilling salt and pepper, and just generally making a mess. They do this every week for more than a year. To my knowledge, they have never spent any money with us.)