(We recently stocked realistic-looking toy puppies and kittens in our gift store that are posed as though they’re asleep.)

Customer #1: “I just want you to know that your business is sick and disgusting! Any company that displays dead animals in their front window deserves to be shut down!”

Me: “Dead animals, ma’am? We don’t sell real animals, live or dead. We’re primarily a card store.”

Customer #1: “You have dead dogs and cats in your front window!”

Me: “Oh, those aren’t real ma’am. They’re toys. They don’t even have real fur; they’re 100% fake.”

Customer #1: “They look real, and they look like they’re dead! What kind of sick individual would buy something like that?!”

(Right on cue, a teenage customer comes up with two puppies and a kitten.)

Customer #2: “Oh my gawd! They’re so cute! I’m buying three!”

Customer #1: “You are not bringing those dead things into my house!”

Customer #2: “I guess I found a way to keep you from snooping into my room, huh, mom?”