(A man and his girlfriend walk in to our restaurant.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [restaurant]. I’ll be your server tonight.”

Customer: “Yeah. What happened to your nose?”

(I instinctively touch my nose to feel if anything is wrong with it.)

Customer: “Gotcha! I made you touch your nose.”

Me: “Yes, very amusing sir. Now may I interest you in–”

Customer: “You’re zipper is undone.”

Me: “Oh, but I’m not wearing pants with a zipper.”

Customer: “But you probably didn’t notice your pants are split open!”

Customer’s girlfriend: “I’m sorry, I should have just left him at home with a bowl of kibble and water.”