(A cellphone customer walks up to my counter with a suspicious look on her face.)

Customer: “Listen…you’ve got to help me! It’s my neighbors, they’re spying on me!”

Me: “I’ll be glad to assist you in any way I can, ma’am. Is this related to your cell phone in some way…?”

Customer: “Yes! They’re spying on me in my shower, with… bluetooths! And the camera on my phone!”

(I glance at her phone, noting that it is neither bluetooth-capable or a camera phone.)

Me: “Well, your phone lacks both of those capabilities, so I don’t think you need to worry.”

Customer: “BUT THEY ARE! THEY STOLE THE PICTURES FROM MY PHONE AND PUT THEM ON THE INTERNET!”

Me: “Have you tried calling the police about this?”

Customer: “You’re in on it, too, aren’t you?!” *grabs her things and scurries off*