Me: “Welcome to [restaurant name]. My name is Julie and I’ll be talking care of you today. What may I get you to drink?"

Customer: “Where am I?!”

Customer’s Daughter: “She’ll have a vodka on the rocks…straight.”

Me: “Okay.”

Customer: “Who are you?! Where’s my juice?!”

Me: “Um…” *looks at customer, then back at the daughter* “Are you sure?”

Customer’s Daughter: “Trust me, the vodka is the only thing that shuts her up.”

(I bring them the vodka.)

Customer: “Who are you!? My juice is funny!”

(3 vodkas later.)

Me: “How was your meal, ladies?”

Customer: “You smell nice. And you have good juice.”