Me: “How can I help you?”

Customer: “You shut me off!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear you’re having problems. Let me pull up your account.”

Customer: “I ain’t got no d*** account with you, you rip people off so I figure I’ll rip you off, and then you go and shut me off again!”

Me: “I’m sorry sir, what address is this for?”

(Customer gives his address and is documented for repeated cable theft.)

Me: “I’m sorry sir, but this account needs to be paid for if you want to have cable service.”

Customer: “No it don’t. I’ll just go on back there and hook up my wires and it’ll come in fine.”

Me: “Yes sir, that is possible, but it’s against the law to tap into lines without a paid account.”

Customer: “Well you better make it harder because I’m just gonna go hook it up again, and you better stop unhooking my lines.”

Me: “I do apologize, but I’m afraid we’ll continue to take down any unauthorized hook ups, sir.”

Customer: “Yeah? Well, I’ll be waiting with a shotgun next time!”

Me: “I’m pretty sure that’s illegal too, sir.”

Customer: “No it ain’t! I got the right to bear arms and if you come out here, I’m gonna BEAR ARMS ON YOU!”