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    Too Much Black Coffee Puts You In The Red

    | AZ, USA | Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (Because we get such a large volume of customers, we make large urns of regular coffee out in the dining area. This is so customers don’t need to come to us for refills, and we can focus on the espresso orders. It is early in the morning, before we get many people; an elderly man walks in.)

    Me: “Good morning, what can I get you, sir?”

    Customer: *snaps* “Hellooooo?! I want a stupid cup of coffee. Gimme a decaf!”

    Me: “Alright, would you like a large or a small?”

    Customer: “Well, I get free refills, don’t I?! I can just pay for a small and drink as much as I want, right?”

    (I am a little shocked at his frank dishonesty.)

    Me: “Yes, sir, we leave the pots accessible to the customers on good faith. It operates on an honor system; technically there is no rule to prevent you from taking advantage of that.”

    (He pays a little over a dollar for his mug, then takes a seat. It is still pretty slow, so we haven’t sold much coffee. In about 45 minutes he storms up to the counter.)

    Customer: “What the h*** is it with you people? Your decaf is empty! And all the milk and cream is empty now, too!”

    Me: “Wow. We had a fresh urn put out less than an hour ago, and we’ve had hardly any customers beside you. I wonder how it could be empty already?”

    Customer: “Well you said I could drink as much as I wanted!”

    Me: “You managed to drink that much?!”

    (I turn to my manager.)

    Me: “How much coffee do those things hold?”

    Manager: “The standard is thirty cups.”

    Customer: “I paid my freaking dollar for bottomless coffee, and I want my money’s worth!”

    Manager: “Sir, I believe you’ve had your money’s worth and then some. When you abuse the free refill system, we end up not having any coffee for customers who actually compensate us, and it cuts into our profits. I don’t know how you could possibly have room for more, but I think it’s time to cut you off.”

    Customer: “My dollar pays all of your salaries! Without people like me, you would go out of business!”

    Manager: “If all our customers took advantage like you, we wouldn’t be able to cover our overhead. You drank several times the value what you paid for, so we’ve only lost money on this transaction.”

    Customer: “It’s people like you who are ruining the economy! Thanks for the crappy service!”

    (He storms out.)

    Me: “Wow. I’d say he needs to switch to decaf, but apparently that’s not working out for him.”