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    Tonight At 11: Mom Coats Baby In Semigloss

    | Maryland, USA |

    (Two women walk up with their little babies, still young enough to be carried around wrapped in blankets.)

    Lady 1: “How much is face painting for the kids?”

    Me: “Three dollars, ma’am.”

    Lady #1: “Could you charge us less ‘cuz our kids are small?”

    Me: *looking for her kids, thinking she can’t possibly be referring to the babies* “How small are they?”

    Lady #1: “They’re babies!”

    Me: *eyes popping out* “Excuse me?”

    Lady #2: “We’re HOLDIN’ ‘EM! They’re babies!”

    Me: “Um, ma’am, I don’t think I can paint on your infants.”

    Lady# 2: “Well why NOT?”

    Me: “Because this is heavy professional paint. It says right on the label, ‘Not for use for children under three years.’ It’ll irritate their skin.”

    Lady #1: “So you won’t paint our babies?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. I can’t do that. It’s not safe.”

    Lady #1: “There ain’t no sign that says you won’t!”

    Me: “I should think that kinda goes without saying…”

    Lady #1: “So this means we waited in that line for NOTHING?”

    Lady #2: “Y’all should put up a sign or something that says you won’t face paint on babies, ‘cuz I thought that was y’alls job.”

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am. I’ve been doing this for years and nobody’s ever tried to have an infant painted before so I never thought I’d have to mention it. It’s dangerous.”

    Lady #1: “Well that just ain’t fair! Damn, if I knew you wouldn’t do it, I wouldn’t've waited in that line!”

    Lady #2: “Y’all need to put up a sign or something! I thought this was for the KIDS–aren’t babies kids?”

    Me: “I’ve already explained–it’s dangerous. I won’t do it, and neither will any of my coworkers.”

    Lady #2: *as they’re both walking away* “That just ain’t fair. They should have a sign.”

    Me: “Have a nice afternoon, ladies!”

    (I found out later that, after I left, the women came back twice to different painters trying to get someone to face-paint on their infants. Both times, they were told the same thing.)