To Bacon, Or Not To Bacon, That Is The Digestion

(I am taking a table’s order.)

Me: “Okay, sir. What can I get for you to eat?”

Customer: “I’ll have a bacon cheeseburger, but if they add bacon to it, I don’t want bacon.”

Me: “So, do you want a regular cheeseburger?”

Customer: “No. I want my burger to have bacon on it. But if it comes with bacon, then I don’t want bacon.”

(I have absolutely no idea what he is asking for, and all his friends seem to be as confused as I am.)

Me: “Okay, just to make sure I am understanding you correctly, I am going to repeat what you are asking for.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Me: “You want a bacon cheeseburger, and if there is bacon on it, you don’t want the bacon.”

Customer: “Right.”

Me: “But you definitely want the bacon on the burger.”

Customer: “Right.”

(Now all his friends are laughing, and I have no idea what to say. Suddenly, the customer realizes what he’s been saying.)

Customer: “PICKLES! Oh my God, I don’t want PICKLES on the burger!”

Me: “Oh, thank God! I was starting to think I went crazy!”