Time To Bring Out The Iron Maiden

(I have three tables of teenagers. Everyone seems to understand that this restaurant is themed. We don’t let people use forks, knives, or spoons. You use your hands, end of story.)

Male Customer: “My friend here wants to know how she eats the soup.”

(I look to his friend and sigh to myself.)

Me: “You grab the handle of the bowl, bring it to your mouth, and then sip. Use two hands if it’s too heavy.”

Female Customer: “Okay.”

(She lifts the bowl to her face, but instead of just going for a sip, she turns her head in on it so her nose ends up going in the soup. She flips.)

Female Customer: “Are you s***ting me?! This is bulls***! I shouldn’t have to eat like this! It’s so… so–”

Me: “Medieval.”

(Her friends snicker.)

Female Customer: “Yeah, it is! And I think it’s unfair that I don’t get any utensils! Are you sure I can’t get a fork for my soup?”

Me: “Wait a second; did you just say, ‘fork’? I’m not sure about you, but usually, a spoon works better for me. Also, they don’t exist here.”

(Everyone laughs at her.)

Female Customer: “Fine, fine, I’ll eat with my hands, I guess. If you ask me, it’s just stupid.”

Me: “It’s a part of the experience.”

Female Customer: “But maybe I don’t want the experience!”

(And it’s moments like that, and many others, that make me wonder why anyone would waste 80 bucks for a themed restaurant and not want the experience.)

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