Three Beers To The Wind

(While working at the convenience store, I notice an older male customer, who is clearly intoxicated, put three single beer cans down his shirt. The shirt is tucked in, so the beers are very obviously hanging out of his shirt. I intercept him as he tries to make his way to the door. Caught red-handed, he drunkenly holds out a handful of cash.)

Customer: “Hey how much do I have?”

Me: “You have three dollars, but you also have three beers down your shirt. Now give them back, please.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: *pokes at a beer can in his shirt* “You have three beers down your shirt, and we need those back now.”

Customer: “Oh. Okay.” *hands me two of the beers*

Me: “What about the third beer, man?”

Customer: “What beer?”

(I poke the can under his shirt.)

Me: “This one. We need that one back, too. Now.”

Customer: “Oh, okay…” *hands beer back* “Can I buy some beer now?”

Me: “You just tried to steal from us! H*** no, you can’t buy any beer! Now get out!”

Customer: *meekly leaves*