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    This Caller Has No Hang Ups

    | USA | Rude & Risque, Spouses & Partners, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in retention for a major credit card company. One of the strictest rules in our department is that, while you can suggest strongly that a customer hang up or call back, you cannot drop the call.)

    Customer: “I was wondering if we could talk about my interest rate. I was noticing on my last- OH, GOD!”

    Me: “I’m sorry?”

    Customer: “OH! OH, GOD!”

    Me: “Ma’am, are you all right?”

    Customer: “I’m fine. My husband just fondled my breast.”

    (I turn bright red and her breathing becomes heavy.)

    Customer: “OH, GOD, YES!”

    Me: “Ma’am, if this is a bad time…”

    Customer: “NO! I was saying, on my last statement, I noticed that my APR… OH, OH, OH, GOD, YES!”

    (From the grunting and moaning on the other end of the line, I deduce that this is not just… um… a fondle. All this time, the woman keeps telling me that she wants to know if we can lower her APR. I finally had to mute the phone, turn down the mind-blowing orgasm that my customer was having and then answer her questions when she could focus again. Most awkward moment ever.)