Me: “Thank you for calling [company]. How may I assist you?”

Caller: “Well, first of all, you can get a real life person on the line.”

Me: “I’m sorry? Sir, I can assure you, I am an actual person.”

Caller: “No, no, no! Don’t play that crap with me. I know how advanced you machines are getting these days. You–”

Me: “Sir, I promise you, I am not a machine.”

Caller: “See! You couldn’t even tell the right place to start talking! That, and that pause before you responded is all I needed to hear to know for sure. Yeah, that’s right! I know how to read you things. What do you have to say to that, you worthless box of microchips?”

Me: *long pause* “Beep?”