Thinking Very Highly Of Bacon

(I’m sitting around a corner by the back library entrance, out of the view of basically everybody that passes by. I go there often to read or finish homework. Suddenly, as I’m turning the page of my book, I hear a hoarse voice from around the corner:)

Voice #1: “Dude, like, what is bacon, you know, for real?”

Voice #2: “Shut up, [Voice #2], you’re high! Oh, God, we gotta get outta here!”

Voice #1: “But like, seriously, do we even, like exist?” *terrified gasp* “Oh, my God, dude, what if we’re just, like, living in a tiny civilization on the sole of some giant’s Adidas sneaker?”

Voice #2: *while suppressing laughter* “Why… why Adidas sneakers?”

Voice #1: “Because, like, Adidas are like, made by Satan, y’know?”

Voice #2: *breaks down into uncontrolled laughter*

(Voice #1 kept asking weird existential questions for at least ten minutes straight while his friend tried to convince him to leave the school grounds. When they finally decided to leave and were walking by, I hid in a little crevice in the wall and said in my loudest, best stoner voice:)

Me: “But like, seriously, what IS bacon?”

(The not-high guy almost peed his pants in terror of being caught and as I was running away I heard the high guy call out just as loudly:)

Voice #1: “I know, RIGHT?”

(I still don’t know who they were.)