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    They Call Me Doctor DIY

    , , | New Jersey, USA |

    (We sell dental surgical products and sometimes have to give instructions on their usage. A doctor calls in from the operating room and has me on speakerphone while they’re operating on a patient, who may or may not be under anesthesia.)

    Doctor: “The screw is not going in. Which way do I turn it?”

    Me: “Clockwise.”

    Doctor: “Clockwise from above or below?”

    Me: “If you are looking at the head of the screw, then clockwise…to the right.”

    Doctor: “What do you mean to the right? Move the wrench to the right?”

    Me: “As the screw turns, and you are looking at the head, the top part will go to the right.”

    Doctor: “Okay, I think i got it.”

    Me: “Good. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.”

    Doctor: “What was that?”

    Me: “Uh, righty tighty, lefty loosey? That’s one way to remember. You go to the right to tighten, and the left to loosen.”

    Doctor: “Oh, I see. Righty tighty, lefty loosey!” *noise of wrench turning* “Righty tighty, lefty loosey. It’s working!”

    Me: “Great. All finished?”

    (The doctor suddenly speaks up much louder than before. It’s clear they’re not talking to me.)

    Doctor: “You’re all done then!”

    Patient: *in the distance* “Uh, thank you doctor.”