There Is Such A Thing As A Free Lunch

(I’m eating lunch at the front desk of our framing shop when I get called to the back. When I return to the front, I notice a customer standing in front of my sandwich at the desk.)

Customer: “Hi.”

Me: “Good afternoon. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No.” *stares at my sandwich*

Me: “Well, are you in need of assistance?”

(The woman suddenly snatches up my sandwich.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s my lunch. Please give it back to me.”

Customer: “I was walking by and I got hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a deli down the street. Please do not eat my lunch.”

Customer: “But it was on the counter. That means it’s complimentary! It’s my sandwich and I’m going to eat it.”

(At this point, my coworker comes out the back.)

Coworker: *to me* “Isn’t that your lunch?”

Customer: “It’s my lunch now! MINE.” *starts eating the sandwich* “This has MAYONNAISE in it!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Ham and mayo.”

Customer: “I hate mayonnaise! It looks and tastes like sperm!” *throws my sandwich on the floor and runs out the door*

Me: “…What just happened?”