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    There Can Be Only One Insane Customer

    | Oregon, USA | Top

    (A guy comes in looking a bit haggard.)

    Me: “Hi sir! Can I help you find something?”

    Customer: “Let’s move to the back of the store.”

    (He takes my arm and we walk to one of the last shelves of the store.)

    Customer: “I need a book on immortality.”

    Me: “All right – we’ve got science fiction over here…”

    Customer: “No, I need to research immortality. I’m immortal. See this scar on my neck? A guy cut me a couple days ago and it’s almost healed. I’m immortal.”

    (I stare at the large cut on his neck that is laced together with stitches).

    Me: “Um, I’m not sure if we have any books like that.”

    Customer: “Well, can you buy me a sword from the store next door?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not allowed to do that.”

    Customer: “I promise I’ll pay you back. I’ll give you my ID so you can track me down later and everything. I need a sword.”

    Me: “Really, I could get fired for that.”

    (The customer looks up and then starts sniffing the air.)

    Customer: “They’re coming. I have to go!” *runs out of the store*