Caller: “The swing set was delivered yesterday, and… it’s fine, but I need instructions.”

Me: “No problem, I’ll email them to you right now. Are you missing anything from your shipment? If you are, let me know and I can get those right out for you.”

Caller: “Um, no. I’m not missing anything, but I do have one question.”

Me: “Sure, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Well, I got the swing set and… well… thank you for the added accessory, but where do I put it? I mean, how do I attach it to the set?”

Me: “Which accessory, sir?”

Caller: “The toilet seat.”

Me: “The what?!”

Caller: “Yeah, and I just want to know how I attach it to the swing set?”

Me: “Um, ok. First of all, you don’t put toilet seats on your child’s swing set. Secondly, that wasn’t in your shipment from us. The trucking company must have gotten some boxes mixed up.”

Caller: “Ooooooohh…” *speaking to someone off the phone* “HEY JOE! Don’t open that box! That toilet seat isn’t ours! It doesn’t go on the set!”

(I would just like to state for the record that “toilet seat” and “swing set” should NEVER be used in the same sentence.)