The Power Of A Kenya-Do Attitude

(The Electronic Arts class is having a show featuring their final projects — computerized or mechanized sculptures. I’m getting my project installed.)

Classmate: “Hey, can you help me a second? This bulb socket is giving me trouble.”

Me: “Sure.”

(He tries to screw in a replacement light bulb into his project, but it won’t light up.)

Classmate: “That’s weird. It was working a minute ago.”

Other Classmate: “Are you getting power to the socket?”

Classmate: “Let’s find out…”

(He picks up a high-voltage multimeter –— the right tool to measure 120 V –— but puts it down, instead selecting a homebrew circuit another student built to test nine volt batteries.)

Classmate: “This will work, right?”

Everyone: “NO!”

(Before he can put it down, it literally explodes, showering us all with molten plastic and pitting his hands with hot metal.)

Classmate: “What… what the?!”

(The door flies open and a breathless security guard comes flying in, hands up to fight.)

Security: “THE F*** WAS THAT? AIN’T NO ONE SHOOTING UP MY SCHOO— the h*** you doing, crazy boy?”

Classmate: “I… wha…—”

Security: “Someone tell me what the h*** went down here before I start punchin’ people!”

Other Classmate: *looking over at classmate* “Don’t worry, he’s just an idiot.”

Security: “I got that! The h*** he do?”

Other Classmate: “120 V AC across a 9 V circuit.”

Security: “120… you tryin’ to die motherf***er?! Lemme see that!” *snatches tool from classmate*

Classmate: “Uhh… here?”

(Security grabs a bunch of tools from the surrounding area and gets to work.)

Security: “This circuit is just fine! 120 V AC just like you want!” *holds up the bulb* “But this? This s*** ain’t right. This is a f****** fancy bulb for a f****** fancy flashlight. You blew this poor b****** right the h*** up!”

(The security guard jumps on a desk and unscrews a bulb from the ceiling.)

Security: “Now THIS is what you want!”

Classmate: “Uh, isn’t that… hot?”

Security: “Sure it is, but you’re the one whose hands got smoke coming out of them!”

(The security guard looks over at the student’s project and gets it back online in time for the professor to arrive.)

Professor: “That was quite an impressive job. Were you an electrician?”

Security: “No, I lived in Kenya. When I was 14, my house caught fire from faulty wiring and burned down. When I was 18, my house caught fire from faulty wiring and burned down. When I was 22, my house caught fire from faulty wiring and burned down. So finally, I taught myself how to look at wires. When I was 23, a drunk man drove a truck into my house, and it caught fire and burned down. So I gave up and moved to America.”

Professor: “Are you interested in learning any more about electronics?”

Security: *face lights up* “Sure! I love this stuff! You got some books?”

Professor: “Plenty, and you’re welcome to my class. It’s the least I can do for extinguishing my student.”

(Last I heard, the security guard had tested out of all but the most advanced classes!)