The Phone Is Suffering From ‘The Situation’

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company Name] tech support. How can I help you today?”

Caller: *thick inner-city accent* “Yeah. Phone don’t work. It’s all like ‘WHAAAAAAT’ and needs to be like ‘YAAYUUUUHHH’.”

Me: “What exactly is not working, sir?”

Caller: “My phone.”

Me: “I understand your phone is having issues. What exactly is it doing?”

Caller: *slowly and deliberately* It’s all like ‘WHAAAAAAT’, and needs to be like ‘YAAYUUUUHHH’.

Me: “How about we just exchange the phone?”