The Ministry Of Silly Walks

Customer: “Excuse me, do you know where the underwear is stocked?”

(I am a fellow customer. I have no name badge, no uniform, and I have my purse hanging from my shoulder.)

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I don’t work here.”

Customer: “Oh, I thought you did. You walk like an employee.”

Me: “I walk… like an employee?”

Customer: “Yes, you should walk differently so people don’t confuse you.”

Me: “Like this?”

(I walk briskly for a few steps.)

Customer: “No, no, that’s why I stopped you.”

Me: “How about this?”

(I walk a little slower, stopping to look at merchandise and to examine them.)

Customer: “No, you look like you’re shelving.”

Me: “What about like this?”

(I shuffle along slowly, staring vacantly at my shoes.)

Customer: “No, you look like my son when he works. Oh, dear, I guess you just can’t walk like a regular customer. You should take classes.”

(She walks away and I look five feet to my left, where an actual employee is staring, open-mouthed at the scene.)

Employee: “I wonder who would teach those classes?”

This story is part of our “I Don’t Work Here” roundup!

Read the next roundup story!

Read the roundup!