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    The Last Days Of Rasputin

    , | Columbus, Ohio |

    (I’m a graphic designer for a small sign shop. When the customer service rep leaves for lunch I’m stuck running the front desk for an hour. Since I mostly work in the back, I’m only trained on how to take orders and payments. On this fateful day the CSR was out sick and the owner had to step out for about ten minutes to run an errand. A man with a thick Russian accent steps into the shop.)

    Customer: “I need these now.” *throws a book of zodiac signs down on the counter*

    Me: “Okay… what is it you need?”

    Customer: “These! These! I talk with your father earlier about this and I need now!”

    Me: “Um… my dad doesn’t work here. Do you mean my boss?”

    Customer: “Whatever. He said you have done today.”

    Me:“Well sir, we are pretty busy right now and we don’t usually guarantee a sign in the same day. I could have it to you tomorrow at the earliest.”

    Customer: “I need this, this and this. Now. He said he get them now.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t really know what you spoke to him about, but he will be back in a few minutes and you can speak with him personally about it.”

    Customer: “I need now! He said he get them now! You go make them now!”

    Me: “Tell me what you want and I will do my best to make them for you.”

    Customer: “He knows. He’ll tell you. Go make them.”

    Me: “I told you he is not here right now. If you want to leave the book here, I will talk to him about it and get the order together for you.”

    Customer: “DO YOU HAVE LIFE?!”

    Me: “Did you just ask if I have a life?”

    Customer: “LIFE! LIFE! DO YOU HAVE IT?!”

    Me: “Um… yeah. I have a life. It’s in the back of the shop. Please leave.”

    Customer: *shouts something in Russian and storms out the door*

    Coworker: “What the h*** was that all about?”

    Me: “I really don’t know!”