The Kitchen Chainsaw Massacre

(Oftentimes, customers want free advice on the phone on what to do in order to save on getting an estimate or an inspection.)

Caller: “I need advice on something. Let’s say I have a big wall dividing the kitchen and the dining room, but I want to open it up so I have a big room. Can I do that?”

Me: “Well, probably, but there might be complications. For example, if you have a load-bearing wall, we’d need to set it up so that the load is distributed differently. Not to mention, there are pipes and wires you need to worry about. Really, we’d need to send someone out to look it over, sir. It’s not really something we can tell you over the phone without seeing it first.”

Caller: “No, no. I got what I needed.”

Me: “Uh, okay.”

(He then hangs up. One week later, he calls back.)

Caller: “I’m going to sue you. I’m going to sue the living heck out of your business. You ruined my life.”

Me: “What? What’s going on? Who is this?”

Caller: “I called for advice. You said I could remove my wall in between my kitchen and dining room. Well, I did. I cut it out with my chainsaw and everything was fine until my ceiling caved in. And you know what’s above my kitchen? The upstairs bathroom. The bathtub fell through and I had to turn off the water because it damaged my pipes. Now, who’s gonna pay for that?”