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    The Hangover Doesn’t Taste So Suite

    | USA |

    Me: “Guest services, how can I help you?”

    Caller: “You can help me by telling me what this 500 dollars is on my d*** bill!”

    (After looking up his bill, I see that not only did they smoke a number of substances which they left evidence of in the room, but they also broke the entire bathroom mirror, and burned a heart design into the computer desk.)

    Me: “Sir, it appears that have charge a fee on each of your rooms for damage as well as a fee for smoking in the room. This is a non-smoking property.”

    Caller: “I can’t help what my girl does.”

    Me: “I’m sorry sir, but we have a strict no-smoking policy, and you are responsible for the state of the room because you made the reservation.”

    Caller: “I can’t help it! My girl likes to smoke afterwards!”

    Me: “It also looks like you broke a mirror in one of the rooms.”

    Caller: “That was Bibby. Bibby crazy, girl. Bibby crazy.”

    Me: “Well sir, you made the reservations, so you are responsible for your girlfriend, as well as ‘Bibby’.”

    Caller: “She ain’t my girlfriend, she just my girl.”

    Me: “Someone burned a heart into the desk in one of the rooms, and we had to bring in a steam cleaner for both carpets, because of the vomit.”

    Caller: “I told you Bibby was crazy.”

    Me: “Well, sir, I’m sorry, but we are keeping the damage fee, even though ‘Bibby’ burned the desk.”

    Caller: “Oh, no the desk was me.”

    Me: “Then it is absolutely your responsibility.”

    Caller: “It was a declaration of love, woman. She wanted a declaration of love!”

    Me: “If you have any further questions, sir, you’re going to have to call our corporate customer care line.”

    Caller: “It was for LOVE!”