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    The Great Fish Massacre of 2008

    | Wisconsin, USA |

    Customer: “I bought ten fish and they all DIED.¬†The customer service desk said you would get me new ones. ¬†Here’s my receipt.”

    Me: “It looks like you had ten feeder goldfish?”

    Customer: “Yes, and they all DIED. I want new ones.”

    Me: “That’s unusual. Goldfish are pretty hardy. Did they have any little white spots, or anything like that before they died?”

    Customer: “No, I went to feed them and they were all dead in the bowl!”

    Me: Wait…you had ten goldfish in a bowl? What size?”

    Customer: “Like this!” *points to a small bowl on the shelf*

    Me: “Ma’am, that bowl only holds a gallon of water. The general rule for fish is ‘a gallon of water per inch of fish’. So for these goldfish at the size they’re now, you would need a tank larger then ten gallons to accommodate them.”

    Customer: “I want them in a bowl! Maybe I’ll get smaller fish. How much are these?” *pointing*

    Me: “Those are fancy guppies; they’re two dollars.”

    Customer: “EACH?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “What about those?

    Me: “Those are angelfish; they’re four dollars.”

    Customer: “EACH?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Just give me the ten fish to replace my other ones! Those are only 39 cents each!”

    Me: “Fine…but if you put them all in the same bowl, they’re all going to die again, and I don’t want to hear about it when they do!”

    Customer: *pause* “Get me my fish!”

    (She got her new fish.  No idea what the death toll was.)