(I’m waiting on a table who is celebrating a child’s birthday. They’ve just finished eating.)

Me: “Are we ready for our check?”

Customer #1: “I’ll take it.”

Customer #2: “No, I can’t let you pay for me!”

Customer #1: “I’m paying! It’s [child's] birthday!”

Customer #2, to me: “Give me my check, now!”

(I hand customer #2 her check from my book, but customer #1 starts crying hysterically.)

Customer #1, to me: “I’m never coming to this place again! How dare you treat me this way!”

(I apologize and go to process the check. Later on, I run into customer #1 and her husband as they are leaving the restaurant; she’s still sobbing hysterically.)

Husband of customer #1: “What in the h*** do you put in your tilapia?!”