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  • The Beginnings Of A Three Hour Cruise

    | Baton Rouge, LA, USA |

    (A man in fishing boots has been standing at our bookstore’s help counter for fifteen minutes. Every time someone comes to ask for an item, the man interrupts me and “helps” the customer find whatever they are looking for.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am. I’m trying to find a cookbook with vegan recipes and I was wondering if you could give me some titles?”

    Me: “Well, we have several titles by Isa Chandra Moskowitz–”

    Fisherman: “Vegans? What the h*** are vegans?!”

    Me: “People who don’t eat any sort of animal product. Honey, gelatin, that sort of–”

    Fisherman: “D***ed intellectuals don’t know anything about eatin’! Vegans are those folks who go fishin’ by throwin’ a car battery over the side of the boat! I KNOW where THOSE books are, and I’LL SHOW YA!”

    (He grabs the customer by the hand and drags her off down an aisle. I didn’t see either of them again, which worries me to this day.)