An Eye-Opening Relationship

(I frequently steal sips or gulps of my husband’s iced tea. It’s an ongoing game and I am usually sneaky about it but one morning I reach over and blatantly take his tea in front of him.)

Me: “You’re getting wife-taxed.”

(He sits there and just looks at me as I attempt to drink. But I splutter because now I’m laughing too hard.)

Husband: “Don’t worry! I don’t need a tax return on that!”

Me: *laughing uncontrollably* “Will you please stop looking at me so I can drink your tea?”

(He grabs something from a drawer so that I can’t see and leaves the room, and I manage to drink the tea.)

Me: “Thank you!”

Husband: *returning* “Uh huh.”

(15 minutes later I go to get my phone and leave. I pick it up and discover that he’s attached a pair of googly eyes to it. I go charging back into the other room.)

Me: “Really? REALLY?”

Husband: *laughing as he ducks behind the computer* “I’m always watching you! I’ve got my eyes on you!”

(Two weeks later, he opens the fridge to browse for lunch food.)

Husband: “Really? REALLY? You were THAT bored?”

(He has just discovered that all the food in the fridge is now sporting googly eyes. He grabs his phone and goes to take a picture, then comes back, lays it on the desk, and goes back to browse.)

Husband: “Oh, my god. You even did all the stuff on the door! You even did the FRIGGEN BUTTER!”