The Art Of Ambiguity

| Long Island, NY, USA | Uncategorized

(A man drops two packs of briefs on the counter).

Me: “Even exchange, sir?”

Man, indignantly: “I need the right size!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Man: “They’re the wrong size!”

Me: “Which ones aren’t the right size?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Me: “…So you’re returning these?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

(At a loss, I call my coworker over).

Coworker: *looks at the packages* “Even exchange?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “So you’re returning both?”

Man: “Read what it says there.” points at one of the packs*

Me: “Um…Big Men’s Briefs? Size 2X?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “What size do you need, sir?”

Man: “44 to 46!”

Coworker: *checks pack* “That’s what this IS!”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Coworker: “Then you have to go find it. We don’t have it up here.”

Man, bellowing: “This is BULLSH*T! F*ckin’ A**HOLE!”

(Everyone in line falls dead silent).

Me: “So…you are returning these, then?”

Man: “I need the right size!”

Me: “Okay–”

Man: “These don’t fit me! I need briefs that fit! I’m a big guy!”

(We finally figure out that the briefs in the bag weren’t the size marked on the package).

Coworker: “Well, you’ll have to go find another pair then.”

Man: “YOU go find another pair!”

Coworker: “We can’t do that! Go check the aisle!”

Man: “I did already! There aren’t any!”

Coworker: “THEN YOU’LL HAVE TO GO TO ANOTHER STORE!”

Man: “YOU call another store! Find them for me!”

Coworker: *turns to me* “Call another store.”

Me: “I…um…okay, sir, you can sit down over there and we’ll call to you when we find them.”

Man: “Speak up, I can’t understand a word–”

Me: “SIT DOWN AND WE’LL CALL YOU!”

(Our manager walks by. He comes over and gets the guy to agree to just return the briefs).

Manager: “Do you have a receipt?”

Man: “No!”

Manager: “Okay, do you want the money back as store credit or on your charge card?”

Man: “What? Just give me the money!”

Manager: “That’s what I’m trying to do. Store credit or–”

Man: “WHAT? JUST GIVE ME BACK THE MONEY!”

Manager: “Store credit it is.”