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    The Advantages Of Speaking Dudenese

    | Florida, USA |

    Me: “Hi, I’m calling to confirm your appointment today. I show here your modem seems to be online. Are you still having a problem with your service?”

    Customer: “Well, my son’s computer will go online but his roommate’s computer will not. We turned the black box thingy off and on but it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Do you have a router?”

    Customer: “Well, yes we do, but I don’t see what that has to do with anything.”

    Me: “Is the router plugged into the modem?”

    Customer: “What’s the modem?”

    Me: “The black box thingy.”

    Customer: “Yes, but like I said, when I called and talked to your service people that changed the configuration doo-dad and now it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Well, sir, we do not support third-party equipment, so I can’t send a technician to troubleshoot your issue. What company manufactured your router?”

    Customer: “I just spent $150.00 installing this; you have to send someone out!”

    Me: “Sir, since you have already explained to me that your service is working, it seems that your third-party router is causing the issue. You must call them for support. Legally, we aren’t allowed to support their equipment.”

    (This goes on for about 10 minutes before he gets so frustrated he puts his son on the line.)

    Customer’s son: “Uh, yeah… I need your technician dude to fix this.”

    Me: “Unfortunately, as I explained to the other person I was speaking with we do not support third party equipment.”

    Customer’s son: “But it was working. Your service guy turned my link light off the black box and now it doesn’t work.”

    Me: “But you are surfing on your computer, right?”

    Customer’s son: “Uh, yeah… but I can’t get on the internet on the other. That’s why we need the technician dude to fix it.”

    Me: “Sir what type of car do you drive?”

    Customer’s son: “Honda, why?”

    Me: “Okay, what kind of radio is installed?” *this was a long-shot*

    Customer’s son: “Alpine, what’s your point?”

    Me: “So, when your Alpine radio stops working, are you going to call the Honda dealership telling them you want your money back and you want them to fix a radio they didn’t install or manufacture?”

    Customer’s son: “I think I need to call Linksys.”