Take No Account Of This One

Caller: “Are you going out of business?”

Me: “No, ma’am. But we are just about to merge with another large bank. Maybe that’s what you’re referring to?”

Caller: “No, no. I need to know, are you going out of business? Is [Bank] going bankrupt? Because if so, I need to take all my money out before that happens!”

Me: “I can assure you, ma’am, we’re not. [Bank] is actually doing very well at the moment. Can I ask what gave you that impression?”

Caller: “I went to withdraw funds at your ATM late last night, and it said I couldn’t get any money!”

Me: “Oh wait, the ATM in our drive-thru? That ATM actually did run out of money last night, but we refilled it this morning.”

Caller: “I knew it! You are running out of money! I need to come in and close my accounts right away!”

Me: “I think you misunderstood. We had an unusual amount of withdrawals at that ATM last night, so it ran out of $20s to give out. The bank itself is fine.”

Caller: “You can’t backtrack and fool me! I’m coming in later today to speak with your manager and close out all of my accounts!”