Take Me Or Leave Me Confused

(My acting class is getting ready to put on a show for a bunch of kindergarteners. We’re all in costume and most of the class is out on stage, playing Simon Says with the kids before the show starts. However, three friends and I are in the boy’s dressing room. Our stage manager is from a completely different class, a little high-strung, and barely knows any of us. Boy #1 is messing around on the piano. )

Boy #1: “Do… Do re mi… F*** it.” *starts playing a very recognizable melody*

(Boy #1 gives up and starts playing a very recognizable melody on the piano instead.)

Boy #1: “Every single day, I walk down the street…”

Girl: *chimes in* “I hear people say, ‘Baby’s so sweet!'”

Me: “Ever since puberty, everybody stares at me!”

Boy #2: “Boys, girls, I can’t help it, baby!”

(Boy #1 abandons the piano and continues acapella. Meanwhile, the girl steps back and leads us into the backstage area.)

Boy #1: “So be kind and don’t lose your mind!”

Girl: “Just remember that I’m your baby!”

(This continues through the second chorus, often blending into harmony, with everyone jumping on tables and chairs, making grand gestures and dancing around until, at just the right part, our stage manager comes back stage and immediately looks confused.)

Me: “No way, can I be what I’m not!”

Boy #2: “But, hey, don’t you want your girl hot?!”

Stage Manager: “Hey, guys, the show’s about— What are you all doing?”

(Boy #1 completely ignores my stage manager and jumps down from his table, right behind where she’s standing.)

Boy #1: “Don’t fight, don’t lose your head!”

(He then drops down to his knees, grabs onto her leg, and looks up at her with puppy dog eyes.)

Boy #1: “‘Cause every night, who’s in your bed?!”

Stage Manager: “Wait, what’s he—”

Boy #1: “Who? Who’s in your bed? Kiss, pookie!”

(Boy #1 fluttered his eyes and made kissy faces at her before finally letting go. We all had to take three minutes to calm down enough from laughing from just the look on our temporary stage manager’s face to actually go out for our performance. When we told our regular teacher this later, she just started laughing and promised she’d show the other class Rent.)