Taiwannical Behavior

(I’m browsing in a bookstore in Taiwan, when I notice two Caucasian customers looking in the Young Teenage Girls section and laughing.)

Customer: *to his friend, in English* “Watch this.”

(He grabs a random book and hands it to an employee.)

Employee: *in somewhat broken English* “Can… I… help you?”

Customer: “Yes. I should like that you would exemplify the thesis behind the philosophies illustrated in this literature.”

(I’m looking at them now, rolling my eyes, but the pair are having a good time of it and don’t notice me. The employee is very confused and mutters in English as best he can.)

Employee: “Eh… uhh… sorry?”

Man: *gesturing as he speaks* “You. Need to. Exemplify. The. Theories. Of the. Thesis. As manifest. In this literature.”

(It’s obvious the customer has no idea what he himself is saying, and is just having a laugh at the employee’s expense. The other guy with him has a wide grin on his face like he’s thoroughly enjoying the exchange. I’ve had enough, so I go to the employee, take the book out of his hands, turn to the synopsis given on the back cover and turn to the two guys.)

Me: *in perfect English* “A girl’s parents have just divorced and the father moves her to a new school. She’s having difficulty adjusting to a new environment and life as a young woman and the changes to her body as he matures. Because she’s new, she’s having a difficult time telling anyone about it and doesn’t know how to tell her father about the various changes she is experiencing with her body. She falls for a popular boy, but she’s new and awkward and nobody likes her. Eventually, she contemplates suicide.”

(The two customers are staring at me like I’ve got ten heads. I decide to rub it in a little further.)

Me: “What the h*** is this? You managed to find the girliest book in here!”

Customer: *opens his mouth, as if to say something*

Me: “Where’re you from?”

Man: “Uh, uh, uh, uh… CANADA!”

(Embarrassed, he and his friend dash out of the store.)

Me: *to the employee in Mandarin* “They were just screwing with you. There’s only one thing you need to know in English if something like that ever happens again: you tell them:” *in English* “F*** off!”