November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Not Responsible For Lost Or Eaten Children

| Brookfield, IL, USA | Uncategorized

(Our zoo recently put several robotic dinosaurs in the park to help boost attendance. While working a snack stand, a family of three walks up to me.)

Father: “Excuse me, sir?”

Me: “Yes, how can I help you?”

Father: “Are the dinosaurs real?”

Me: “No, sir. They are not.”

Father: “But we saw them move…”

Me: “They are robotic dinosaurs. They have parts to make them move a little.”

Father: “Then why are they in the zoo if they are not real?”

Me: “It’s to teach our guests about dinosaurs.”

Son: “So are they real, dad?”

Father: *suddenly angry* “No, they are not! These f***ing people have fake animals!”

(As the father and son begin to walk away, the mother stays behind to tell me one last thing.)

Mother: “You know dear, maybe you should get real dinosaurs. That way, you won’t have problems like this.”

Fowl-Mouthed Accusations

| Norfolk, VA, USA | Top

(I’m telling a group of visitors about the peacocks at our zoo. After I’ve finished, one of the visitors stops me.)

Visitor: “Young man, can I have a word with you?

Me: “Certainly, ma’am. How can I help you?

Visitor: “I don’t appreciate you using that kind of language in front of my children.”

Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, I wasn’t aware I had.”

Visitor: “We prefer to call those birds over there pearoosters.”

Me: “Um, why?”

Visitor: “Because peacock is a bad word! I really don’t think you should be using that sort of language and those dirty words in front of small children!”

Extreme Primate Refereeing

| San Diego, CA, USA | Top

(I work at a snack cart across from the gorilla enclosure. A woman walks up to me and this conversation ensued.)

Customer: “Look! Look! The gorillas are fighting!”

Me: “No, they just rough-house like that about this time every day.”

Customer: “No, that’s fighting, someone’s going to get hurt.”

Me: “Ma’am, seriously, that’s how they play.”

Customer: “That’s a fight! Stop them! Right now! It’s a bad example for the children.”

Me: “Stop them…how?”

Customer: “Get in there and make them cut it out right now!”

Me: *staring at her while other customers in line laugh*

Customer: *stomping off* “I’m telling your boss you won’t stop that violence!”

Next customer in line: “So you’re in charge of gorillas AND churros, huh?”

Endangered With Comb-Overs

| Washington, DC, USA | Uncategorized

(A man walks up to me with his son while I’m tending the Bird section.)

Man: “Excuse me, what are those birds?”

Me: “They’re bald eagles.”

Man: “Well, that’s just so g**d**n cheap! Our nation’s capital, and we can’t even afford young eagles!”

Me: “Sir, that eagle isn’t very old at all. Eagles have a life span of–”

Man: “Don’t give me any excuses! I know they’re old! They’re bald! You only get bald when you’re old!”

Man’s son: “Yeah, just like you Dad!”


(Apparently, on his way out he had complained about the same thing to three zookeepers, and all three of them just laughed.)

When Stupid People Attack

| New York, NY, USA | Pets & Animals, Top

Customer: “Hey, you!”

Me: “How can I help you, ma’am?”

Customer: “These bears are extremely boring. I paid money to see the animals move around.”

Me: “It’s very hot today, ma’am. Bears don’t like to move around much on hot days, and they sleep at least 16 hours out of the day anyway.”

Customer: “I don’t care if it’s hot outside. Why won’t they do anything?”

Me: “Ma’am, the bears are not required to move around for your entertainment.”

Customer: “Well, they should be!”

Me: “They’re wild animals, ma’am. If they don’t want to move around, they don’t have to.”

Customer: “I want to see your superior! Maybe he will understand!”

Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

Customer: “These bears are boring!”

Manager: *tells her what I said about hot days*

Customer: “Go poke them or something. Make them move!”

Me: “You’re asking me to go into an enclosed area with a group of thousand-pound carnivores, and poke them with a stick so that they can amuse you?

Customer: “Yes! Just make them do something!”