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    Panda-Monium

    | Norfolk, VA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.)

    Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?”

    Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.”

    Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry ma’am, its not.”

    Guest: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.”

    Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!”

    Ignoring The Lack Of An Elephant In The Room

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Someone told me you have elephant rides out there.”

    Me: “No ma’am, we have camel rides and pony rides, but no elephant rides.”

    Customer: “But no elephant rides?”

    Me: “No ma’am, we don’t have elephants here.”

    Customer: “But someone told me you had elephant rides!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that person must have been mistaken. We do not have elephant rides.”

    Customer: “Well, where can I ride an elephant, then?”

    Noah’s Nondescript Ark

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “So, uh, on this tour, will I, uh, feed the…uh…tall things, and uh, the not as tall…things?”

    Me: “You mean the giraffes…and rhinos?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s it! It’s like you’re reading my mind!”

    Napoleon Dynamite Goes To The Zoo

    | Quebec, Canada | Pets & Animals

    (I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

    Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

    Me: “There are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

    Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

    Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

    Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”

    No Clue At The Zoo

    | Utah, USA |

    (We are hosting a visiting special exhibit featuring animals endemic to Madagascar. A customer approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t think I saw the Madagascar inside the exhibit.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “The Madagascar. Was that the furry thing in the glass cage?”

    Me: “Madagascar is a country, ma’am. It’s an island nation off the coast of Africa.”

    Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the movie!

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