Customer: “Someone told me you have elephant rides out there.”

Me: “No ma’am, we have camel rides and pony rides, but no elephant rides.”

Customer: “But no elephant rides?”

Me: “No ma’am, we don’t have elephants here.”

Customer: “But someone told me you had elephant rides!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but that person must have been mistaken. We do not have elephant rides.”

Customer: “Well, where can I ride an elephant, then?”

Customer: “So, uh, on this tour, will I, uh, feed the…uh…tall things, and uh, the not as tall…things?”

Me: “You mean the giraffes…and rhinos?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s it! It’s like you’re reading my mind!”

(I am in front of the tigers’ exhibit.)

Visitor: “Excuse me, where is the lion?”

Me: “There are on the other side of the park. Just follow the path to your right.”

Visitor: “What? You don’t keep the lions and tigers together?”

Me: “No. In the wild, they don’t live together.”

Visitor: “But how do they reproduce? The male lion needs to be with the female tiger!”

(We are hosting a visiting special exhibit featuring animals endemic to Madagascar. A customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I don’t think I saw the Madagascar inside the exhibit.”

Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “The Madagascar. Was that the furry thing in the glass cage?”

Me: “Madagascar is a country, ma’am. It’s an island nation off the coast of Africa.”

Customer: “Don’t lie to me! I’ve seen the movie!

(Two customers are in my line to buy some bottle water. I can clearly tell from their accents that they are from another country.)

Me: “That will be five dollars, please. And may I ask where are you from?”

Customer: “Sure mate. We are from Scotland.”

Me: “Oh, nice. I hope you enjoy your visit to America–”

(A teenage kid nearby overhears us and interrupts.)

Teenage kid: “You better, seeing how we saved your a** in the Korean War!” *storms off*

(My two customers exchange glances, shake their heads, and look back at me)

Customer: “I love America.”