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    Guess Who Got The Lion’s Share Of The Stupid

    | Toronto, ON, Canada |

    (I am making my rounds in the Africa area. An American couple is standing in front of the lion compound. There is a clear sign stating it is an African lion.)

    Tourist #1: “Excuse me, what animal is this?”

    Me: “That would be a lion, ma’am.”

    Tourist #2: “Oh, yes. We have them in Utah!”

    Me: “Actually, sir, you have mountain lions in Utah. Not African lions.”

    Tourist #1: “Then you should tell someone that mountain lions shouldn’t be in the Africa section!”

    Stretched Pennies Stretch The Budget

    | North Carolina, USA | Food & Drink, Money

    (I work at the food court at a zoo. After one customer gives an order, their total comes to $10.26. They fish out a 10 dollar bill and a quarter, and continue to look for a penny.)

    Me: “Oh, that’ll be fine.”

    Customer: “You sure? I know I have a penny in here somewhere, I’d rather just give you that.”

    Me: “Oh, okay then.”

    (The customer pulls out a penny that has been in a Press A Penny machine, machines that we have around the zoo that flatten, shape, and add an animal imprint design to pennies.)

    Customer: “Here you are.”

    Me: “Well thank you, but you realize you can’t use this penny, right?”

    Customer: “What? Why not?”

    Me: “It’s not valid anymore. But really, it’s fine if you’re one cent short.”

    Customer: “It’s not about that! It’s about why you’re all too good for my money!”

    Me: “Okay, I’ll take it, but it’s not–”

    Customer: “Is it because I’m [ethnicity]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am!”

    Customer: “Then tell me what it is! The real reason!”

    Me: “Um…” *I look at the penny* “Oh! Yeah, this penny is valid. Sorry, I mistook it for something, uh, else.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *walking off* “Some people these days!”

    Panda-Monium

    | Norfolk, VA, USA | Pets & Animals

    (We will be opening a new Asia section in the spring. The area is visible, but guests can’t walk through it yet.)

    Guest: “Excuse me, what is that over there?”

    Me: “That’s going to be our new Asia exhibit.”

    Guest: “Is it going to have panda bears?”

    Me: “No, I’m sorry ma’am, its not.”

    Guest: “Why not?”

    Me: “Well, all of the pandas that you see in zoos are actually owned by China, and the zoos have to pay $1 million per year to rent each panda. They even have to pay for any babies born, and have to sign a contract that all of the pandas belong to China. It’s just too expensive.”

    Guest: “But I thought the 14th Amendment guaranteed citizenship to any baby born here! Those should be our pandas!”

    Ignoring The Lack Of An Elephant In The Room

    | Wichita, KS, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “Someone told me you have elephant rides out there.”

    Me: “No ma’am, we have camel rides and pony rides, but no elephant rides.”

    Customer: “But no elephant rides?”

    Me: “No ma’am, we don’t have elephants here.”

    Customer: “But someone told me you had elephant rides!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but that person must have been mistaken. We do not have elephant rides.”

    Customer: “Well, where can I ride an elephant, then?”

    Noah’s Nondescript Ark

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Pets & Animals

    Customer: “So, uh, on this tour, will I, uh, feed the…uh…tall things, and uh, the not as tall…things?”

    Me: “You mean the giraffes…and rhinos?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s it! It’s like you’re reading my mind!”

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