He Has Beef With You

| KS, USA | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geography

(An elderly man walks up to the toppings bar.)

Customer: “Excuse me. Miss?”

Me: “What can I help you with, sir?”

Customer: “Have you got anything with meat in it?”

(This is a frozen yogurt bar. We have various kinds of fruity and sweet yogurts and toppings. No one would usually expect to find meat anywhere.)

Me: “Um, no, sir. Sorry about that.”

Customer: “F****** vegans and vegetarians are taking over the whole f****** world! You haven’t got anything with some beef in it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. That’s actually a kind of unusual request because this is basically dessert stuff.”

Customer: “I’m an American! I ain’t a vegetarian! I eat meat in my dessert because this is America, d*** it!”

(The customer throws his yogurt on the floor, making a huge mess. The next customer jumps out of the way, then resumes getting toppings while I clean.)

Customer #2: “Just when you think you’ve seen it all!”

Customers Set A Really Low (Yogurt) Bar

| Ontario, Canada | Food & Drink

(I’m taking my kids to a frozen yogurt bar for the first time. Since the teller is helping another customer, I take a quick look at the signs for instructions, which are very clear and obvious. As we’re picking what we want, the teller comes over to see how we’re doing.)

Teller: “Hi! How are you doing? Do you need any help?”

Me: “No, thanks, I think we’ve got it figured out.”

Teller: “Oh, you’ve been in before?”

Me: “Nope, this is our first time, but the directions are really straight-forward…” *laughing* “…and I read the directions. I know that doesn’t always happen.”

Teller: “No, that’s pretty unusual, actually. Really, really unusual.”

Me: “Yeah, I used to work with the public. Members of the general public are idiots.”

Don’t Make Me Clean Up This One

| California, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

Customer: “I love the f*** out of yogurt. I would make love to yogurt!”

Me: *awkward laughter*

(The customer picks her yogurt and I ring her up without any issues.)

Customer: “Do y’all have a bathroom I can take this into?”

Where There’s Smoke, There’s A Liar

| Sacramento , CA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Food & Drink, Underaged

(Keep in mind I work in a yogurt shop and we only sell yogurt and candy. An obviously underage customer comes up to be rung up.)

Me: “Is that going to be it for you today?”

Customer: “Yeah, can I get a pack of cigarettes too?”

Me: “This is a yogurt shop, sir.”

Customer: “I have my ID though!”

Me: “This is a yogurt shop. Not only do we not sell cigarettes, but I’m pretty sure it’s illegal to accept a fake ID.”

Customer: *storms out muttering obscenities*

Seedless, We Promise

| Chicago, IL, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(My friend and I are cleaning up at the end of the night at a frozen yogurt shop downtown. Suddenly, a guy walks in.)

Guy: “You need to buy me a piece of pizza cause I ain’t eaten all day!”

Me: “The pizza shop in the mall is closed. I can give you a sample of yogurt.”

(I pour him a sample of acai blueberry yogurt.)

Guy: “What the h*** is that?”

Me: “Yogurt.”

Guy: “Nuh uh, that’s sperm.”

Me: “This is yogurt.”

Guy: “Stop trying to give me sperm! I do scientific research and that is HORSE SPERM!” *runs away*

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