• Gloating About Gluten
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Maybe They Were Cream-Filled?

    | OH, USA | Food & Drink, Rude & Risque

    (We are having yard sale at our house, where I am selling all kinds of things including chocolate molds for making different types of chocolate candies. A very nice and friendly elderly lady approaches me to chat about them.)

    Lady: “You know, I used to have to buy chocolate by the 100 lb. bag because I made and sold so much candy.”

    Me: “Wow, sounds like you were pretty busy with it!”

    Lady: “Oh, yes, I had a room in my home dedicated to it. Most of my customers were my coworkers at [Local Plant].”

    Me: “How nice.”

    (I’m trying to be polite but I’ve got to be available for others to ask questions or make purchases.)

    Lady: “I used to make chocolate penises.”

    Me: “How ni— Wait, what?”

    Lady: “Penises. I made a birthday cake covered with chocolate penises for a coworker. It said, ‘here’s the beef!’ Ha! Penises! Can you imagine?”

    The Whole Nine Yards Of Unreason

    | GA, USA | Crazy Requests, Theme Of The Month

    (Whilst having an indoor yard sale, I happen to have an open and hours sign from our old store, so I put them up. A customer in a rather nice car pulls up.)

    Customer: “What kind of store is this?”

    Me: ‘It’s a yard sale. I just happen to have the signs and thought they would be funny.”

    Customer: “Oh… okay.”

    (The customer proceeds to browse for a few minutes.)

    Customer: “Is this used?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “How about this? Is this used?”

    Me: “Yes…”


    Me: “This is a yard sale. That’s generally how it works. People sell their used goods.”

    Customer: “I’ve never heard of nonsense like that. Nobody wants someone’s used things. I’m reporting you to the Better Business Bureau!”

    Me: “Go right ahead. Have a nice day.”

    Give Them A Dress And They’ll Want A Yard

    | Ellensburg, WA, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Liars & Scammers, Uncategorized

    (I sell a dress to a lady and she leaves. As I am coming back from hanging a sign, she returns to the yard sale.)

    Customer: “I want to return this dress.”

    Me: “This is a yard sale. I don’t take returns.”

    Customer: “You don’t have a sign up. You should have a sign that says no returns.”

    Me: “I don’t need one. This is a yard sale.”

    Customer: *getting angry* “I want to return the dress. I don’t want it anymore!”

    Me:  “This is a yard sale. I am not a store, so I do not take returns.”

    Customer: “That’s dishonest I’m calling 911!”

    (The customer dials 911 on her cell phone and I hear her talking to the dispatcher.)

    Customer: “Hello! I’m at a yard sale and they won’t take back my dress!”