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    Stark Raving Mad

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Geeks Rule, Movies & TV

    (An older customer walks in very quickly and glares at me.)

    Me: “Good morning!”

    Customer:What does ‘winter is coming’ mean?!”

    (The customer is referring to our ‘Game Of Thrones’ themed red-wine window.)

    Me: “Oh! It’s the tagline, sort of, to a very popular series of books and TV show.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be shot in the head with a small derringer. It should read, ‘autumn is here, winter is near.’”

    Me: “Well, it’s a pop culture reference and has been very successful for us. I’m not sure what your intention is, coming in here and telling me I should be shot.”

    Customer: “WELL DO YOU ONLY SELL WINE TO TRENDY PEOPLE?! I OWN AN ADVERTISING AGENCY! I’M TRYING TO HELP YOU!” *storms out*

    Lightening In A Bottle

    | Maryland, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink, Top

    (The wine store I work at has a fully functional bar. On this particular night, the store is very busy as we are having a wine tasting that is open to the public. This day also happens to be the one before my birthday. I am mixing a drink for a well-to-do regular customer).

    Customer: “So, how have you been lately?”

    Me: “Pretty good.”

    Customer: “What time will you be in tomorrow?”

    Me: “I actually have the day off. It is my birthday.”

    Customer: “Oh, is it? Did [owner] get you anything nice?”

    Me: “I doubt it.”

    Customer: “Well, that is too bad. Hey, could you help me find a good Portuguese wine?”

    (For the next ten minutes, I show him red blends, Riojas, and other wonderful Portuguese wines.)

    Customer: “If you could get any of these, which would you get?”

    Me: “Well, that depends. Most of these are out of my price range, but this $10.99 bottle would be great.”

    Customer: “But I want the best one that is over here, regardless of price.”

    (I show him a really good one that is $60 a bottle.)

    Customer: “I want this one. Can I buy it, set it on the counter, and enjoy some more drinks at the bar?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    (The customer stays for a few more hours talking to me about the college I had went to, and jobs I am interested in. About an hour before closing, he says it is time to go, and heads to the counter where his purchases are still sitting. I proceed to clean up the bar as he approaches me.)

    Customer: “I thought it a shame that a person as friendly and knowledgable as you didn’t get a birthday gift after working here for years. This is yours.”

    (He hands me a wrapped bag, and when I unwrap it, it is the expensive wine I had recommended. As I look up to thank him, he is already out the door, but he gives me a wave and a large smile. It is people like that who make working a minimum wage job worth it!)

    It’s A Face Off

    | Virginia, USA | Bizarre, Top

    (I greet a customer cheerfully as she enters the shop. After browsing briefly, she gives me a suspicious look and then leaves the store. A few moments later, she returns with my boss.)

    Customer: “HER! That is the WORST example of customer service I have ever experienced in this town!”

    Boss: *to me* “Could you explain what happened a minute ago?”

    Me: “I…I don’t understand. I said, ‘Hi, how are you today?’ and she left pretty much after that.”

    Customer: “Look at you now, tearing up in front of the boss! Well, missy, let me tell you…” *to my boss* “LOOK! She’s scowling again, behind your back! That is EXACTLY what I’m talking about!”

    (I’m not sure what she’s referring to, but I have naturally fair blonde hair which is dyed a darker shade. I line my brows a shade to match, and they have a dramatic natural arch.)

    Boss: “Ma’am? I think that’s just her face. She isn’t trying to offend.”

    Customer: “You think you’re so smart, missy? Well, one day, someone is going to call you out on your games! THEY’LL WIPE THAT SMUG LOOK RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE!”

    Me: *I wipe my brow liner off and give her a blank look*

    Customer: *makes a choked noise, then quickly exits*

    This Side Uppity

    | Florida, USA | Food & Drink, Language & Words

    (I work in a fairly ritzy upper-end wine store. We get a lot of customers coming in with partial information about the wine they’re looking for, but we can usually help them find it. Sometimes, not so much.)

    Me: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought a case of wine here last month, and I’d like another. I don’t remember the name, but I remember where in France it’s from.”

    (Our French wines are organized by the part of France that the wines are from, so this is very helpful.)

    Me: “Okay, perhaps you’ll recognize the bottle when we get to that section. Where’s it from?”

    Customer: “The ‘cote a ouvrir.’”

    Me: “Do you mean Côtes du Rhône, or Côtes du Ventoux, or one of the Côtes appellations in Burgundy, perhaps?”

    Customer: “I know d*** well I bought wine here last month, and the box said ‘cote a ouvrir!’”

    Me: “I’m sure it did, ma’am. That’s French for ‘open this side.’”

    Customer: “Yes! Where do you keep the French wines that say ‘cote a ouvrir?’”

    Me: *gestures to the section we’re in* “About two thirds of these will say that.”

    Customer: “So, it’s not very helpful?”

    Me: “Not as such, no.”

    In-Conceivably Kooky

    | Durham, NC, USA |

    (A little old lady approaches me as I am tidying up some shelves.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, miss, but I can’t find your Columbia Crest Cabernet?”

    Me: *I point to the shelf above me* “It’s right there.”

    Customer: “Oh my, I feel so foolish!”

    Me: “Not at all. It’s a big store and can get a little confusing, even for me.”

    Customer: “Now what about some Hess Cabernet?”

    Me: (I walk her to where it is and take the bottle down for her.)

    Customer: “I LOVE you!”

    Me: “Hehe, no problem!”

    (I see the check-out lines at the front of the store are full, so I follow her up to help at the registers.  After a few customers, she comes through my line.)

    Customer: “You can take my money too?! Amazing!”

    Me: *laughs* “Yes, I have many skills.”

    Customer: “What are some of your other talents?”

    Me: “Well, I can sing!”

    Customer: “You can CONCEIVE?!”

    Me: “I certainly hope so! But I’m not going to try that out just yet. Right now, I can just sing.”

    Customer: “I wish you had really said that. That would have been funny! I love you!”