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    Sink Or Dim(witted)

    | Vernon, NJ, USA | Health & Body, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I work for a large water park that has a ride which involves a jump off a 25 foot cliff and a Tarzan rope swing. On these rides, we have a series of questions we legally must ask.)

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Huh?”

    Me: “Are you a good swimmer?”

    Guest: “Oh…uh…yeah, of course.”

    Me: “Any head, neck, or back injuries?”

    Guest: *indignant* “Would I be standing here if I did? No injuries!”

    Me: “Any history of heart problems?”

    Guest: “Nope.”

    Me: “Any shoulder dislocations?”

    Guest: *rolls shoulders* “No, I’m good.”

    Me: “Okay, no flipping or diving. Grab this rope, and you’re good to go…”

    (The guest proceeds to swing out over water and falls off almost instantly. I look down and see him struggling to stay afloat, so my coworker jumps in and leads him to the ladder. I close off the ride to fill out a report for the save.)

    Me: *to coworker* “What happened?!”

    Coworker: “I don’t exactly know. He says his shoulder hurts.”

    Me: “Sir, have you ever had a dislocated shoulder?”

    Guest: “Yes, why do you ask?”

    Me: “Because when I asked you before, you said no, and now you hurt it. Also, was it because of your shoulder that you were having trouble swimming?”

    Guest: “No. I just can’t swim.”

    Me: “So, when I asked if you were a good swimmer, why did you say yes?”

    Guest: “I didn’t realize I would have to swim!”

    Related:
    No, Really: Sink Or Swim

    Hopefully, This Experience Sinks In

    | CA, USA | Top

    (Note: I’m a lifeguard at a large waterpark. A guest approaches my station.)

    Guest: “Being a lifeguard is soooo easy! I mean really, you just sit there all day and whistle at people.”

    Me: “Excuse me, but I need to watch the water. I can’t really talk right now.”

    Guest: “Ugh, you’re kidding me, right?! You’re not doing anything!”

    (At this point, a coworker—also a lifeguard—speaks up.)

    Coworker: “Listen, we get paid minimum wage to save lives. We are out here all day, everyday making sure people like you don’t drown. This job is hard because, honestly, we have to save people like you, okay?”

    Guest: *defeated* “Oh. Sorry.”

    (The guest slinks away. I found out that later in the day he had to be rescued.)

    Storm Of Protest

    | Denver, CO, USA |

    Customer: “I would like to make a birthday reservation for July 12.”

    Me: “Okay, we can certainly do that for you.”

    Customer: “Before I do that, could you tell me what the weather is going to be like that day?”

    Me: “Ma’am, that visit date is over a month away. We don’t have any idea what the weather will be like.”

    Customer: “But, I thought you had one of those weather-predicting machines…”

    Stupidity Comes In Different Wavelengths

    | New England, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I am a lifeguard at my local water park, and we are required to scan pools with our eyes following our hand.)

    Customer: “Hello!”

    Me: “Hi sir, can I help you find something?” *continues scanning*

    Customer: “Yes, I have a question. Are you controlling the waves in this pool with your hand?”

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