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    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 11

    | UK | Family & Kids, Technology

    (I get a job at a video game store not long before ‘Grand Theft Auto V’ came out, and before and after its release many parents came into the store to buy their kids the game.)

    Customer: “Hello, do you have this GTA game?”

    Me: “Grand Theft Auto V”? Sure, we have them right here. Is this for yourself?

    Customer: “No, it’s for my son.”

    Me: “Is he under the age of eighteen? I just need to tell you the content of the game.”

    Customer: “He’s 10.”

    Me: “Okay, it’s of course completely up to you whether or not he plays this game but as it’s rated 18, I’ll have to tell you that it contains extreme violence in it and sexual content.”

    Customer: “That’s fine.”

    Me: “It really is quite bad. There’s a really horrific torture scene in it, and it contains a strip club that the characters can go to, and it has prostitutes, etc.”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, that’s fine. This is the game he wanted.”

    Me: “It also contains swearing.”

    Customer: “What?! What kind of game is that?! I can’t believe he wants this! Well, he’s not getting it!”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8

    Must Be New To The Game

    | San Diego, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am waiting in line to pay. The customer in front of me in line is an older woman.)

    Employee: “Hi, did you find everything okay?”

    Customer: “I’m actually here to return something.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry to hear that. What are you returning?”

    Customer: “This very violent video game.”

    (She places a copy of a popular first-person-shooter game on the counter.)

    Employee: “Thank you.”

    (The employee opens the case to check the disc.)

    Employee: “Ma’am, the game isn’t in here.”

    Customer: “Sure it is. You’re holding it.”

    Employee: “This is just the case. There’s no disc.”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Employee: “You can’t return an empty game case.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    (I decide to step in.)

    Me: “It’s like buying a new coat and only getting the hanger.”

    Customer: “Oh…”

    (The employee hands over the box, and the customer leaves.)

    Employee: “It’s going to be a long day, isn’t it?”

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 10

    | France | Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Technology, Underaged

    (I work in a video game store where you can give back old games to get a discount on other ones. It’s a slow day, and a somewhat older female customer comes to the counter.)

    Me: “Oh, hello, ma’am. What can we do for you?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve found my son’s old educational games while dusting off shelves, and I’d like to buy him something new.”

    (I pass the games to a coworker, so she can check out prices and the disks’ states, while I help the customer with choosing a game.)

    Coworker: “Err, ma’am, there’s something wrong with the games.”

    Customer: “What?”

    (My coworker shows us the disks. It’s actually stuff like ‘GTA,’ ‘Call of Duty,’ ‘Saints Row’ and other 18-rated games.)

    Me: “How old is your son, ma’am?”

    Customer: “He’s 14… Why?”

    Coworker: “Well, those games are not for people under 18. Due to violence, nudi—”

    (The customer storms out, leaving the games on the counter. 15 minutes later, she comes back dragging her son by the arm and with the original boxes.)

    Customer: *to her son* “These. 18-rated games. Explain.”

    (The customer’s son explained that he asked a friend’s older brother to go and buy the games for him. His mother left us the 18-rated games and their boxes.)

    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 9
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 8
    Grand Theft Innocence, Part 7

    Someone Toad Him Different

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a well-known game store. The year is 2008.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [Video Game Store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “No, we do not, sadly.”

    Customer: “That sucks.”

    (About a week later:)

    Me: *on the phone* “Hello. How may I help you today?”

    Caller: “Do you have a copy of Battletoads?”

    Me: “No, sir, we do not!”

    Caller: “It’s been five days. How come?!”

    Me: *in shock* “IS THIS THE SAME CUSTOMER?!”

    Caller: “Yes! I want my d*** Battletoads for my PS3, dumb-a**!”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sir, Battletoads has been out of print for 17 years now. And I doubt it’s on the PS3.”

    Caller: “Well, YOU’RE just a d*** MORON?!” *hangs up*

    Me: *shrugs*

    (A day later, the same customer walks into the store.)



    Customer: “My brother told me you have it. I want it NOW!”

    Me: “You’re brother must’ve been mistaken.”


    (The customer then proceeds to go on a rampage through the entire store, knocking over multiple games and destroying several others. We had to call the police to arrest him. An hour later, his brother shows up)

    Customer’s Brother: “Hey, my brother told me you guys ripped him off.”

    Me: “Eh, you do know he was looking for a game called Battletoads, right?”

    Customer’s Brother: “Oh, god. I can’t believe he fell for that. I told him to do that just to get that moron out of my house. I’m so sorry about that.”

    Me: “It’s okay.”

    Customer’s Brother: “I’m surprised he didn’t even know about that prank anyway.”

    (Turns out that asking for ‘Battletoads’ at any video game store is a popular prank done by people to piss off the employees.)

    French Disconnection

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Language & Words, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a specific game for my son and want to know if you have it there.”

    Me: “I can certainly check that for you, sir. What’s the name of the game?”

    Customer:John Dark.”

    (I look it up under both ‘John’ and ‘Dark,’ but nothing comes up.)

    Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to find a game by that name in my system here. Are you sure that’s the name of the game?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m 100% sure. It’s for his PSP.”

    (At the mention of the PSP, I realize which game he’s talking about, and find it rather quickly.)

    Me: “Ah, I see. The name of the game is actually Jeanne d’Arc, and yes, we do have—”

    Customer: “No, that’s not the name of it. It’s John Dark.”

    Me: “I mean no offense by this, but I understand that it may be a little hard to pronounce. It’s Jeanne d’Arc. It’s actually French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to imply that you need to know French to play the game. It’s all in English; only the title is French.”

    Customer: “But my son doesn’t speak French! And it’s John Dark!” *hangs up*

    (I think that’s the end of it, but a little later that day, a man comes into the store and makes a beeline for the PSP rack, and finds the game.)

    Customer: “I want to by this game here, John Dark.”

    (I decide not to correct him, thinking there’s no reasoning with him, hoping I can just get him checked out quickly. As I’m getting the game, he comments.)

    Customer: “Yeah, I called earlier and one of your guys lied to me about this game.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that, sir. What did he say?”

    Customer: “He said that you have to speak French to play this game! But my son said you don’t have to speak French! And he doesn’t even speak French!”

    Me: “I deeply apologize for that, sir. I can assure you that you don’t need to understand French to play this game.”

    Customer: “Good. I’m glad I was able to find this John Dark game for my son!”

    (A regular customer of mine is nearby, and can’t stand hearing this guy talk.)

    Regular: “No offense, dude, but it’s called Jeanne d’Arc. I don’t even know French but I can still tell that that’s French for ‘Joan of Arc.’”


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