November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

This Won’t ‘Be Good’

| KY, USA | Crazy Requests, Movies & TV

(Back in the eighties, a woman comes into our store:)

Customer: “I want the new E.T. movie – E.T. Part 2.”

Me: “There is no part two; it was a stand-alone movie.”

Customer: “No! I’ve seen it advertised on television! It’s called, ‘E.T. Comes Home.’

(I realize that the she had seen an ad for the release of the movie on videocassette – the tagline was “E.T. comes home, to videocassette.” I tried to explain this to her, and she started crying, stomping her feet, and yelling.)

Customer: “I know you have Part Two! You won’t let me have it because you only want certain people to see the movie!”

(The owner came over and the woman repeated her story. The owner then said she would check the catalog and give the customer a call. The customer insisted that I be fired for “being greedy” with the movies. Never saw her again after that.)

No Kidding About The Kid, Part 2

| NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Criminal/Illegal, Family & Kids, Top, Transportation

(The store I work at is on a busy street with a lot of bars and very little available parking, so a lot of non-customers will illegally park in our lot despite the numerous signs. A tow company comes by on the busier evenings and take the cars of those not in the store to their lot. I often have to handle irate people who are angry about their car being towed and the release charges. At about 11:30 pm, a woman stumbles into the store, obviously inebriated, and demands to know where her car is.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but if you were not in our store while your car was parked in our lot it was most likely towed.”

Her: “Are you f****** kidding me? I was only gone two hours… What gives you the right to take my car?!”

Me: “Well, per our signs in the lot, you cannot park there unless you are patronizing our store. It was a tow company that took your car.”

Her: “This is bullshit! You crooks took my car and I bet my iPad will be missing from it, too!”

Me: “I doubt that, but here is the number of the tow company for you to call.”

Her: “Ugh, my kids are probably still in there, too!”

Me: *praying I’ve misheard her* “Excuse me, did you say YOUR KIDS?!”

Her: “Yeah. God d*** it; this is f****** unbelievable!”

Me: “Sure is… Tell you what; I’ll call the company for you because you seem a little upset.”

Her: “Yeah, DO THAT. It’s your job!”

(I called the tow company to ask if they’d found her kids. They had, recently, and had them warming up in the office. It is late February.)

Me: “Hey… can you write down your name and plate number in case your, um, iPad is missing?”

Her: “D*** right! You’ll hear from my lawyer if it isn’t!”

(As soon as she left in a cab, I called the police and explained the situation. They met her at the tow lot and arrested her.)

No Kidding About The Kid

Rated Immature

| NY, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

(The video store I work at has a ‘back room’ installed and most people call to double check that, yes, we do rent adult videos.)

Caller: “Hey, I’ve got a list of titles and I wanted to know if you have them for rent.”

Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

Caller: “All right. Deep Throat?” *background giggling*

Me: *checks* “Nope, we don’t carry that one.”

Caller: “Darn, my niece will be so disappointed.” *more giggling*

(I’m not fazed by this stuff by this point, so I keep going since it isn’t busy.)

Me: “Any others?”

Caller: “Ha ha, yeah… Debbie Does Dallas?”

Me: *checks* “Well the first one is rented out, but the second and fifth ones are in stock.”

Caller: “Wait, really?”

Me: *confused* “Yeah, really.”

Caller: “You guys ACTUALLY rent porn?”

Me: “Yeah… We have a whole section in the back of the store.”

Caller: “Wow, REALLY? All right, I’ll be in later then. Wait, wait… Do you have newer stuff?”

Me: “Yeah, the older titles are mostly just the really famous ones.”

Caller: “Awesome. That call went a lot better than I thought it would.”

(He turned out to be a repeat customer.)

Logo Loco

| USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

(A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.'”

Customer: *storms out*

When Write Is Wrong Is Really Right

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

(I work in a video store. This is years before gift cards. We have to hand-write the amount on a certificate.)

Customer: “That is not spelled right.”

Employee #1: *writes void on certificate, and tries again*

Customer: “It’s still not right.”

(Employee #1 calls over Employee #2.)

Employee #2: “Ma’am, I’m sure that’s right.”

Customer: *agitated* “I demand to speak to a manager.”

(I come over.)

Me: “Ma’am, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I need this certificate for $12 and he keeps spelling it wrong.”

Me: “Okay. What is the amount of the gift certificate?”

Employee #1: “$12.”

Me: “How did you spell it?”

Employee #1 & #2: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m not the greatest speller, but I’m pretty sure that’s right.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

Me: “So that we don’t waste anymore gift certificates, why don’t you write the amount?”

(The customer snatches the booklet and pen, and starts to fill in the information. When she gets to the amount she stops, confusion on her face.)

Customer: “How did you spell it again?”

Employee #1: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

Customer: “Oh. I guess you were right…”

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