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    Rated Immature

    | NY, USA | Movies & TV, Rude & Risque, Theme Of The Month

    (The video store I work at has a ‘back room’ installed and most people call to double check that, yes, we do rent adult videos.)

    Caller: “Hey, I’ve got a list of titles and I wanted to know if you have them for rent.”

    Me: “Sure, go ahead.”

    Caller: “All right. Deep Throat?” *background giggling*

    Me: *checks* “Nope, we don’t carry that one.”

    Caller: “Darn, my niece will be so disappointed.” *more giggling*

    (I’m not fazed by this stuff by this point, so I keep going since it isn’t busy.)

    Me: “Any others?”

    Caller: “Ha ha, yeah… Debbie Does Dallas?”

    Me: *checks* “Well the first one is rented out, but the second and fifth ones are in stock.”

    Caller: “Wait, really?”

    Me: *confused* “Yeah, really.”

    Caller: “You guys ACTUALLY rent porn?”

    Me: “Yeah… We have a whole section in the back of the store.”

    Caller: “Wow, REALLY? All right, I’ll be in later then. Wait, wait… Do you have newer stuff?”

    Me: “Yeah, the older titles are mostly just the really famous ones.”

    Caller: “Awesome. That call went a lot better than I thought it would.”

    (He turned out to be a repeat customer.)

    Logo Loco

    | USA | Language & Words, Movies & TV

    (A customer is renting a new movie. As we were always taught at this now defunct rental chain, everything the customer rents has to be read back to them at the end of the transaction.)

    Me: “Thank you for coming, I ‘Heart’ Huckabees is due on [date].”

    Customer: “It’s I LOVE Huckabees.”

    Me: “Nope. It’s pronounced I ‘Heart’ Huckabees.”

    Customer: “Do you understand grammar?”

    Me: “It’s not a matter of grammar. It’s called a ‘logogram.’ When a symbol represents a word, or is meant as a replacement for the word its sign represents. The movie is I ‘Heart’ Huckabees because it includes a logogram – otherwise it would just say ‘love.'”

    Customer: *storms out*

    When Write Is Wrong Is Really Right

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Language & Words

    (I work in a video store. This is years before gift cards. We have to hand-write the amount on a certificate.)

    Customer: “That is not spelled right.”

    Employee #1: *writes void on certificate, and tries again*

    Customer: “It’s still not right.”

    (Employee #1 calls over Employee #2.)

    Employee #2: “Ma’am, I’m sure that’s right.”

    Customer: *agitated* “I demand to speak to a manager.”

    (I come over.)

    Me: “Ma’am, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need this certificate for $12 and he keeps spelling it wrong.”

    Me: “Okay. What is the amount of the gift certificate?”

    Employee #1: “$12.”

    Me: “How did you spell it?”

    Employee #1 & #2: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m not the greatest speller, but I’m pretty sure that’s right.”

    Customer: “Well, it’s not.”

    Me: “So that we don’t waste anymore gift certificates, why don’t you write the amount?”

    (The customer snatches the booklet and pen, and starts to fill in the information. When she gets to the amount she stops, confusion on her face.)

    Customer: “How did you spell it again?”

    Employee #1: “T-W-E-L-V-E.”

    Customer: “Oh. I guess you were right…”

    They Are Rotten To The Corps

    | MI, USA | Bad Behavior, Military, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I am working late at my video store. Two customers enter, bad mouthing the military. As I prepare to suggest they keep it to themselves, one of the customers in the store beats me to it; a little 4′ 9″ woman I know to be a regular. She plants herself in front of the louder of the two guys, sticks out her hands and challenges them both.)

    Woman: “Do you actually know anyone in the military, or have you ever been in the military?”

    Large Guy: *mumbles something* “…not that desperate for money…” *mumbles*

    Woman: “Well my husband is a Marine, so you shut up!”

    (She kicks him in the knee. He screams and leaves, taking his buddy with him. As I make my way to speak with her, the only other customer in the store, a big bear of a guy, introduces himself to her.)

    Other Customer: “Hi, I’m a former Navy Seal. I was on my way to take him apart, but I liked your way better!”

    When Facts Are Not Immediately A-Parent

    | Penarth, South Glamorgan, Wales, UK. |

    (I am working behind the counter. The only other people in the shop are a woman and a small boy. The boy is rushing about, shouting and being boisterous. This goes on for several minutes.)

    Customer: “Why don’t you tell that child to stop running around?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought he was with you.”

    Customer: “He is.”