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    Dances With Fools

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA |

    Customer: “I’m hoping you can help me. I saw a movie on TV with Kevin Costner and I want to rent it but I don’t know what it was called.”

    Me: “Okay, what was it about?”

    Customer: “I don’t know, I didn’t see it all. But what I saw was him with a mustache.”

    Me: “Okay. Was it Western-themed?”

    Customer: “I didn’t see it.”

    Me: “Well, did it look like it was set in a different time period?”

    Customer: “No. It was with Kevin Costner. So, some time in the last 30 years.”

    Ball Buster Filibuster

    | San Jose, CA, USA |

    (I work at a video store, where in order to rent movies we ask for a phone number and then read out their name to verify the account. You can have one primary account name, with others added on to it. This particular customer was on the account under his wife.)

    Me: “Phone number, please.”

    Customer: *reads out number*

    Me: “Are you under [name of wife]“?

    Customer: “Not tonight. She’s mad at me!”

    Dude, Where’s My Brain

    | Eugene, OR, USA |

    (Two guys walk into our video rental store, find their video, and come up to pay.)

    Coworker: “What’s your phone number?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it’s [phone number].”

    Coworker: “Okay, so Chris [last name]?”

    Customer’s friend: “Holy s*** man, he knows your name!” *turns to my coworker* “Dude, what’s my name?!”

    Coworker: “…”

    Customer: “Dude, I have an account here.”

    Customer’s friend: “Oh. I’m going to go wait in the car…”

    Thou Playest Too Much Warcraft, Methinks

    | Lapeer, MI, USA |

    (An customer wearing the famous “I F**K on the first date” t-shirt is at our video rental store complaining about a charge on her account. Note that she also has her four year-old daughter with her.)

    Customer: “You f***ing peons make seven dollars an hour, and you think you can tell us what to do?! You lost that movie yourself!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do–”

    Customer: “No, but you will be sorry! I expect a heart-felt apology to my face!”

    (The customer storms out of the store with her daughter in tow, but before I can get to the next customer she comes back in.)

    Customer: “My daughter is bawling because of you! So, thank you! THANK YOU!”

    (She kicks the door on her way out and goes back to her car. I take a deep breath and put my smile back on.)

    Me: “I can help who’s next!”

    Next customer: “Did she just call you a peon?”

    Danica Says Eat My Dust

    | Canada |

    (I am a female employee. A customer came in asking me to look up a movie about NASCAR that was not in our system.)

    Me: “We actually don’t have that movie in our system at all. Sorry about that.”

    Customer: “The movie is called ****. It’s about a NASCAR driver.”

    Me: “Yes, I looked up the title, and we don’t carry that movie at all.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe you could ask your manager to look it up for me.”

    Me: “Yes, of course.”

    Customer: “It’s just that women don’t generally know much about NASCAR. I mean, it’s nothing personal. I know that I wouldn’t be interested in learning how to knit, or how to wash a dish.”

    Me: “…”

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