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    Lack Of Grey Matter

    | Iceland |

    (Two teenage customers ask if I can find a film for a school project.)

    Customer #1: “Hi, do you have Casablanca?”

    Me: “Sure.” *I fetch the film*

    Customer #1: “Oh, it’s black and white?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer #2: “That’s no good! We don’t have a black and white TV, only color!”

    SkyNet: The Early Years

    | Kimberley, BC, Canada |

    (Note: I’m making calls to let people know that the movies they reserved are in.)

    Me: “Hi there, this is Sarah from . I’m just calling to let you know the movie you reserved is now in if you’d like to come pick it up.”

    Customer: “Oh, for Pete’s sake. These stupid f***ing recordings! I can’t believe even friggin has them now. You hear that, you stupid f***ing robot? YOU F***ING PIECE OF ROBOT S***!

    Me: “Um…sir? I am an actual person.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

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    Aches On A Brain

    | Michigan, USA |

    Customer: “I’m looking for a DVD. My father told me I had to rent it.”

    Me: “Okay, do you know what the movie was called?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Did he say what actor or actress was featured in the film?”

    Customer: “Samuel something.”

    Me: “Samuel L. Jackson?”

    Customer: “Yeah–him.”

    Me: “Did he happen to mention what the movie was about?”

    Customer: “Um…Snakes…on a Plane.”

    (I walk the customer over to the movie ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “I don’t think this is it.”

    Me: “Ma’am, this is the only movie I have with Samuel L. Jackson in it about snakes on a plane.”

    Customer: “Hmm…and this is about snakes on a plane?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The customer puts the movie back on shelf.)

    Customer: “I just don’t think this is it.”

    In Spock We Trust

    | Pickens, SC, USA |

    Customer: “Why is Star Trek on the wall?”

    Me: “It’s a new release sir, interested in renting it?”

    Customer: “Son, Star Trek is a tool of the Devil. I demand that you remove it from your shelves!”

    Me: “I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “God forgive you for corrupting the youth of America!”

    Learning By Example

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Awesome Customers, Top

    Coworker: “Whoops, looks like there’s a 30 cent late fee on here for [movie]. It was returned a day late, so your total will be $6.25.”

    Customer: “What?! That’s impossible! I returned it the day after I rented it!”

    Coworker: “Well, it was a seven day rental, and it shows here that you returned it a day late at 6:13 pm.”

    (The customer continues to argue very loudly with my coworker, yelling out things like, “Do you know who I am?!” However, I tune it out because a regular customer comes up to my register.)

    Me: “Hi, Mr ***!”

    Regular: “Hey ***, love the hair. What’s the damage?”

    Me: “Oh boy, $43.76 in late fees? Where did you go this time?”

    (The regular leans way over into the other customer’s face and speaks loudly.)

    Regular: “$43.76 in late fees, you say? Here is my debit card, miss!”

    (He pulls his debit card out of his wallet with a big flourish.)

    Regular: “Boy, I should learn to return my movies on time, which is clearly not the fault of this establishment!”

    (The other customer shuts up, quickly pays, and leaves.)

    Me: “You’re my favorite.”

    Regular: “I know.”

    (We waived half his fees and gave him a free rental.)

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