(I work in a video rental store in 2001. A lady comes to counter with a friend.)
Customer: “Do you have A Beautiful Mind?”
Me: *attempting humour* “Oh, yes. And I have lovely legs, too.”
Customer: “Oh! Have they made a sequel?”
(It is summer 2002, and I’m working at a video rental store.)
Customer: “Do you have that new movie with the girl from Friends?”
Me: “The girl from Friends? Jennifer Aniston has a movie coming out in theatres soon, but we don’t have that on video yet.”
Coworker: “I don’t know that Courtney Cox has been in anything since Scream…”
Customer: “No, the blonde one. Her new movie.”
Me: “Well, she was in that movie with Christina Ricci a while back, but nothing recently.”
(We think for a few minutes; we don’t have Internet to look such things up.)
Me: “Do you mean Shallow Hal? With Gwyneth Paltrow?”
Customer: “Yes, that’s it! See, the blonde girl from Friends!”
Customer: *recently rented two films* “I want a refund on this DVD.” *holds one up* “It didn’t work!”
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, it appears the wrong disc was put in this box. The other one seems fine, though.”
Customer: “I don’t care! I couldn’t watch the second one because I was trying to get the first one to work!”
Me: “You were trying to get the wrong disc to play the box film?”
Customer: “Yes! Now you’ve ruined my party I was holding because I was stuck trying to fix it! You need to pay me £50 in compensation now!”
Me: “Yeah, we won’t be doing that.”
(A middle-aged customer returns a DVD.)
Customer: “I want to return this, and I want you to not rent out movies to my son anymore.”
(This is generally a valid request, as our customer cards are transferable and friends and family members can rent in the cardholder’s name if they know the correct PIN. But the cardholder can, of course, put a lock on that, in which case we put a corresponding note in the account. When I scan the DVD to take it back, I see that this is not the case here, as it was rented from the son’s own account. He is 19 years old.)
Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it looks as if your son is a legal adult and this is his own account. I cannot stop somebody from using his own account, just because somebody else says so.”
(The customer looks at me with a grim expression, but says nothing.)
Me: “That will be 15€, then.”
Customer: “See, that’s what I mean!”
Me: *with a smile* “Well, it’s his account, and his responsibility. You don’t have to pay for him, you know?”
Customer: *grumbles something unintelligible, pays, and leaves*
(People, it’s not my fault that you can’t teach your children to be responsible with money!)
(At least once a week, a customer will call us, irate, telling us they have rented multiple movies and returned them, but now they are getting automated phone calls telling them that one of the movies hasn’t been returned. The vast majority of the calls go exactly like this:)
Customer: “I returned all my movies. You all made a mistake!”
Me: “That’s possible. Let me pull up your account. Is the movie they’re saying you didn’t return [Movie]?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Me: “Okay, it’s showing that it’s still checked out. Let me check a few places for you. I’m going to put you on hold, okay?”
(I check the shelf for the exact copy of the movie that is missing, as well as the drop box. We literally have a laundry basket holding the movies, so often titles will get missed between the wall and the basket. I also often check the movies waiting to be sorted/returned to the shelf.)
Me: “Okay, sir, I’ve checked all over the place. I’m not finding it here in the store. Is there any chance it could have been missed on accident?”
Customer: “NO! I returned all my movies at once.”
Me: “I understand, sir. Please do me a huge favor, though. Check two places for me: next to your DVD player, and in your car. A lot of times, movies fall down cracks, either behind entertainment centers or in seat cushions. Call me back if you don’t find it, okay?”
Customer: “I won’t find it, because I returned it!”
(The movie would usually be in the drop box within the hour. A few brave souls actually walked it inside and apologized!)
